You will never be old enough....

Am I old? Although, I've been rejecting the fact that I'm not exactly very young, there are times whereby I do enjoy being my age. It brings with it some benefits.... eg. financial independence, no more school (although i'm not exactly sure if that's really a benefit.... I miss school), no restrictions to the kind of movie I watch, can buy wat I want... when I want, can go holidays with my own money and not forgetting the most important..... FREEDOM!! I get to go out as and when I want... and whoever I want to go out with, I get to stay out late.... and hang out with my friends until late at night.... no curfew!! In a sense I've been enjoying this kind of freedom for the past 2-3 yrs... But its until today then I realise all is not what it seems.

I could hardly recall the last time when I had to rush home cos of a curfew. For a long while, I didnt even need to call home when I stay out past midnight cos my parents are already fast asleep..... this had been the case for the past 2-3yrs.. and I took it as a sign that my parents had faith in me and believe that I've grown up and is responsible for my own actions and thus no longer worry so much about me.

BUT..... today I had a quarrel with my mum cos of this. Yesterday I went out for a movie with James and Cynthia and we kindof hang out at coffee club until 2am.... my mum got my sis to call me at around 1am and she sounded very angry. I was very surprise to receive a call from home cos it usu doesnt happen that way...well... I didnt really think much abt it and only said that I'll be back late.... all was well when I came home at 2am and everyone was sound asleep as I expected. BUT this afternoon, when my mum finally saw me she scolded me for not calling home *puzzling*. I argued with her cos I tot that I was never expected to call home anyway... cos I've came home late b4 and she didnt qn me then.. I really tot it was unfair of her to pick on me like that....cos I didnt know I was expected to do so..... anyway, after a few firing darts shoot here and there... we both got tired and ignore one another for a while.

I was still abit angry.... but as I set down and think about it ..... I realise I was partly at fault. I guess as a mother she will always be worried for her children no matter how old they are. In fact I should be thankful that there is someone out there who is concern about me and my whereabout. I guess it was quite irresponsible of me not to inform anybody at home.....

That brings me to the movie I watched yesterday.... its called "Nobody knows" its kindof a dark movie about 4 young japanese children who was left on their own to fend for themselves cos their mother had left them to seek her own happiness. the eldest child was only 12 yrs old... to cut the story short..... the youngest kid (probably abt 4 yrs old) died after falling off a stool. she was just left there to die cos her siblings didnt know wat to do with her and didnt want to report to the police for fear of being seperated. The eldest brother eventually put her in a suitcase and burried her with his bare hands somewhere near the airport..... and nobody knows..... nobody knows that a living human being had just left the face of the earth.... it was really sad.....

So in retrospect, I'm thankful that I'm not left on my own defences and I'm really thankful that I have loving family members who are concern and care for me. Especially, my mum..... she had dedicated her life to the family and brought the 3 of us up with so much love and care and now she even have to take care of my dementic grandma. And truthfully speaking.... I feel shameful for quarreling with her over something that I've done wrong.

I'm sorry mum..... Thank you once again.

In the beginning............

Indeed, this is the begining..... suddenly felt like expressing myself on a blog cos I tot its a good way to vent some frustration and also some good feelings.. when it happens.... some sort of catharsis for me I guess...

I had initially wanted to go to work today...... but decided not to cos its such a sad life to go back office on a saturday. have lotsa work to do though. feeling abit stress.... just abit. been told to do a presentation on mon afternoon at the last min. The thing is, I was only told yesterday evening during the work function. Don't hav much time to prepare cos' mon morning I got a training to conduct. Had wanted to go back office today to do something about it. But both the spirit and the flesh are unwilling... so I guess I'll just have to try and remember what I've written in the proposal (that was done last Oct I think.......). Well..

I have mix feelings about the weekend that's here.... brought back tons of stuff to read. Had to prepare for presentation during the training and read up alot of things... hai.... sad life..

Yet, I refuse to let all this obstruct my desire to lead a healthy social life! I still go to church for mission training at 2pm later.. go for YM.. go for CG and go for movie later at 930pm (Japanese movie called "Nobody Knows"). Guess I'll probably, be very tired after that but I guess doing some non-work related stuff will distract me from the misery. Plus, i think by choosing things that I want to do will help to make my life more balance... if u know what I mean...

ok that's all..... will share with you about how God spoke to me about the mission trip at the end of this year, some other time.